How to Not Die Alone: Navigating Modern Dating with Logan Ury
We’ve spent a lot of time on the podcast exploring how we can improve our skills in romantic relationships, but for many people one of the most difficult parts of a relationship is getting into one in the first place.
On this episode, I talk with Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, about the mechanics of dating. We explore chemistry, romance, apps, and how to reframe our self-limiting tendencies so we can find love that is fulfilling and brings out the best in us.
About our Guest: Logan Ury is a behavioral scientist turned dating coach, and the author of How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love. She is the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, and former head of Google’s behavioral science team the Irrational Lab.
Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.
Key Topics:
0:00: Introduction
1:40: Why is modern dating so hard?
4:15: Romanticism
6:20: Being in relationship for self-actualization
8:25: Romanticizers, Maximizers, and Hesitators
11:15: Reframes for the Romanticizer
14:20: What kind of shared qualities actually matter?
19:25: Reframes for the Maximizer
26:35: The tendency to externalize problems and avoid vulnerability
32:25: Reframes for the Hesitator
36:50: Information vs. emotion - appreciation for romance
41:05: Bids and turning towards
43:05: What other things do people tend to underestimate in relationships?
47:20: The aspect of you that is brought out by your partner
48:45: How to use apps in more effective ways
51:00: Recap
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