You Should Be Uncomfortable
I’ve wrestled with how to talk about what’s been going on in America for a while, including whether it was appropriate to say anything at all.
The Being Well podcast doesn’t generally focus on current events, social issues, or politics. There are many fantastic outlets aimed at those topics, and neither Rick nor I have any professional expertise whatsoever in those areas, or in race relations, police brutality, or really any of the other areas of expertise that would be particularly valuable here. Talking about those subjects with authority on a platform where we present ourselves as experts would be disingenuous at best.
This is piled on top of the obvious point that we are two White, privileged men. Just by virtue of that fact, our voices get heard all the time. Given what’s happening in America right now, it feels appropriate to spend more time listening than talking.
But the ability to remain both silent and comfortable is a privilege. It always has been. If you’ve considered speaking up over the past weeks, months, or years, and chosen not to, I’d encourage you to examine the structures that allow you to do so. It’s antithetical to the ethos of this show to not offer whatever support we can to those pursuing the cause of social justice.
There’s a wonderful quote from Lilla Watson, “If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.” Black lives matter. Racism is a public health crisis in this country. Health and happiness is a collective pursuit.
If we’re truly seeking liberation from our suffering, we achieve it together.
Last week we collectively witnessed the murder of George Floyd at the hands of police. This, and the murders of Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery, have been the just latest in a long line of names. Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Tamir Rice, Eric Harris, Freddie Gray, Trayvon Martin, Pamela Turner, Jordan Edwards, Stephon Clark, and the list goes on.
These murders are not episodes. They are part of a structure. One recent study found that 1 in every 1000 Black men can expect to be killed by police. That number is absurdly, painfully high. Police brutality perpetrated against people of color is itself one very small part of the larger structure of white privilege and – call it what it is – white supremacy in America.
I think that for many people with a privileged background, particularly white people, outpourings of protest can feel like these singular events sometimes. They arise, and then they pass, and we just stop paying attention. Because we have the privilege of unplugging. We have the privilege of being able to change the channel. Because we don’t necessarily experience on a day to day level that larger, racist, white supremacist structure.
As many others have said, I don’t understand how it’s possible to live in America with any level of awareness at all and be surprised by what’s happened. On the other hand, it’s easy to ignore something when you’re benefiting from it.
Right now it seems like there’s a lot of “waking up” going on. And that’s great. But it seemed that way after the murders of Freddie Gray and Eric Garner too. And that’s what worries me. That this happens, and there’s this outpouring of support, and then it just goes away. And then we’re back here having the same conversation in six months the next time someone happens to be recording when a Black man is killed by police.
The bottom line is that it is an advantage to have a White body. We saw that directly in the actions of Amy Cooper, who used her whiteness as a malicious weapon against a Black man.
I say all of this as the absolute poster child for privilege. I am a White, straight man who grew up in northern California. I went to a private high school and one of the best public universities in the world. I’ve never worried for one minute about where my next meal was coming from.
Regardless of what I do, I will be privileged for the rest of my life. This will be the case through no good effort of my own, just by the accident of a convenient birth. So, all that’s left is the question of how I, alongside the collective “we” of privileged people in general, choose to use that privilege. If you don’t use it to do something actively, if all you have is “thoughts and prayers,” then you are a part of the problem.
A lot of people, myself included, were late in fully showing up to truly participate in supporting those who have been disenfranchised. What we can do now is recognize that, make the apology, and move forward with right action.
Speaking to my fellow White people, and I say this from painful experience, the only way to really wake to what’s been happening to Black people in America for hundreds of years - and what continues to happen to them today - is by getting really, really uncomfortable. And being okay with being uncomfortable. With the pain that can come alongside both learning what we need to know, and unlearning the conditioning that everyone is naturally exposed to as part of living inside of a social structure.
That discomfort is not even a tiny, tiny fraction of the pain experienced by people of color in this country every day. Discomfort is the best case scenario. Shouldering our part of that is where we start, not where we finish.
A learning mindset, or a student mindset, is fundamentally a vulnerable mindset. Not knowing, and the possibility of correction that comes alongside it, can be painful. But it’s the bare minimum of what needs to be embraced in order to create real change.
It was actually really freeing, or it’s been freeing for me personally, when I moved from a position of defensiveness to a position of acceptance. To accepting that I have been a beneficiary of a fundamentally racist system. Accepting that racism exists on a spectrum, and that there are plenty of ways to be racist that don’t involve wearing a hood. Accepting that it’s not nearly enough to just be “not racist.” Accepting that any amount of defensiveness, silence, passivity, or deflection supports oppression.
So, all that said.
Over the next weeks and months Being Well is going to be airing more conversations featuring guests who focus on this broad family of topics. We’re going to be talking about generational trauma, equitable access to mental health resources, what we can do to start attempting to overcome our own conditioning, and hopefully a wide variety of other topics. We’re also gonna keep talking about the same things we’ve always talked about alongside that.
The goal isn’t to claim that Rick or I are experts on these topics. It’s to offer a platform for really wise people to talk about things that they know much more about than I do. I’m going to try to ask thoughtful questions, listen a lot, and create a space that lets them do what they do best.
In the meantime – and this is particularly important for White people who truly want to be allies – I strongly recommend that you put the effort in to educating yourself about these topics. I also strongly recommend that you not reach out to the people of color in your life to help educate you. It’s not their job, particularly right now when there’s already so much overwhelm and trauma going on. It’s also not their job to fix a problem they didn’t create.
There are many fantastic reading lists floating around out there that give a lot of really good places to start. I’ve alluded to Ibram X. Kendi’s How to Be an Antiracist a few times during this piece. I’d strongly recommend Pod Save the People and Code Switch if you’re looking for other podcasts that frequently cover these topics.
In terms of taking action beyond education, I’ve donated to the ACT Blue fundraiser in support of organizations fighting racism and gofundme’s justice and equality fund, as well as to the memorial funds for George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery. I’ll include links to all of them in the description of the podcast, and I hope you’ll join me in donating.
On Monday we’re going to be airing a conversation I had with Dr. Alfiee Breland Noble, a wonderful psychologist, researcher, and educator who focuses on equitable access to mental health resources. I had a great time talking with her, and I hope you enjoy it.