How to Effectively Communicate What You Want
On the previous episode of Being Well, we talked about how to identify our wants and needs. But identifying our needs is just the first step. After that comes the tricky business of coming to terms with those needs, and communicating them effectively to other people.
In this episode, Dr. Rick Hanson and I explore best practices for claiming and expressing our needs. This includes how to navigate shame and inhibition, make effective agreements, be considerate of the person on the receiving end of our wants, and become more skillful at negotiation and repair.
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Key Topics:
0:00: Introduction
2:05: Getting real about meeting our needs.
7:10: Suppressing needs due to self-worth challenges
8:35: Patience, making your offering, and tipping points
11:45: Inhibition, and negotiating our needs with other people
15:50: Non-Violent Communication and “Wise Speech” models
26:30: The need for multiple cycles of communication
28:20: Expecting defeat, and two big moments of pain
32:10: Keeping agreements
37:45: Confidence in the ability to repair
39:35: Considering the person on the receiving end of your communication
43:00: Generosity
45:15: Questions to ask when feeling uncertain about how to express a need
49:30: Death by a thousand cuts, and facing discomfort
52:10: Asking others, “What else do you want from me?”
54:30: Recap
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